Future Headline: California to Require Mandatory Drag Instruction in K-12 Schools

In a world full of unimaginable absurdity, we spend a lot of time thinking about the future… and to where all of this insanity leads.

“Future Headline Friday” is our satirical take of where the world is going if it remains on its current path. While our satire may be humorous and exaggerated, rest assured that everything we write is based on actual events, news stories, personalities, and pending legislation.

June 30, 2028: California to Require Mandatory Drag Instruction in K-12 Schools

It started back in 2023 when Texas Christian University began offering its pioneering course, “The Queer Art of Drag”.

TCU’s original course included such texts as Kravitz Marshall’s The Gender Binary is a Tool of White Supremacy; and each student was required to put on a public drag performance at the end of the semester.

California’s state legislators were caught flat footed and surprised that an otherwise conservative university in a conservative state had leapfrogged ahead them.

But politicians in Sacramento did not take the challenge to their progressive authority lying down. And they responded in late 2023 with a statewide mandate to offer Drag instruction at all public and private universities in California.

The law was immediately challenged in federal court, however it was upheld by the San Francisco-based Ninth Circuit Court last year after a protracted legal battle.

In its final opinion, the court ruled that “cisgender-blindness is not a constitutional right” and that mandatory drag instruction was “the right thing for an advanced society to pursue.”

After losing in the Ninth Circuit, the main plaintiff promised to appeal the case to the US Supreme Court. However he was assisinated by an Antifa activist before being able to do so.

Emboldened by its victory, the California state government is now set to pass the Deconstructing Roles and Adjusting Gender, or DRAG Act, which will take effect statewide this fall.

The law requires K-12 students to complete at least 1,000 hours of classroom instruction under the tutelage of drag queens, over the course of their 13-year public education.

900 of the 1,000 hours of instruction may be in any subject— science, mathematics, foreign language, etc. as long as the teacher is a Drag Diva. The other 100 hours must be Drag training, which, under the law, will now fulfill physical education requirements.

California’s State Superintendent for Public Instruction, Taye Q. Kidd, said this is the bare minimum necessary to prepare children for the real world.

“Even under the new requirements, less than 10% of classroom time will be spent with Drag Divas,” Mx. Kidd said. “It would be a disservice not to allow Drag Divas to expose themselves to our children.”

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